Under Attack

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GraceBestowed
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Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 3:27 am

Under Attack

Post by GraceBestowed » Sun Nov 11, 2012 4:18 am

I believe I am under attack. I will take my responsibility in this. I have allowed myself to wander. I have allowed the concerns of the world to choke out the Word of God. I have been busy and distracted. I have been out of church fellowship for the past 18 months. Just previous to that I had donated a substantial sum to a deliverance ministry (not related to my church) that went into a very dark part of the earth involving witches and warlocks. I do not know if that is relative. But I did feel God's lead in donating to that cause. He provided.

I do not regularly tithe. And my finances are constantly under attack. This is an area that I have not been able to bring under God's dominion. I have a severe degree of anxiety over finances that started in childhood and has me under it's power and control right now.

My doctor has been trying me on different medications because she believes I have chemical imbalances in my brain. It has been over the past two weeks that I have been on different medications (3 in two weeks). Whenever I have seen a psychiatrist in the past they usually tell me that they cannot do anything for me .. the conversation usually ends with them asking me how I cope with my problems and how it works for me. They don't know how to respond when I say .. I pray about my difficulties and it usually results in my prayers being answered. They tell me they can't help me at that point.

I do have my faith in God and not in psychiatry however I do not know that it isn't the same as having a doctor for any other physical difficulty. I don't know what to think about all of these things and I remembered this ministry so I returned to this website today.

I have been coping lately by distracting myself by playing video games, but I will get addicted and have much time pass and not do the things that I was supposed to do. I honestly feel lonely most of the time as I don't feel I have many people that I can talk to. I feel less alone when I am keeping myself busy with things like video games. This is a short term fix, not something that I want to do long term.

I am a child of God. The Holy Spirit is alive in me, Jesus lives and He graces us with His presence! I am trying again to learn to cultivate the presence of God. I have lived it before, I want to be consistent in walking in the Spirit. I am not even sure how I am surviving right now. I believe He is sustaining me.

Please pray for me. I am struggling. Trust me Satan wants to render me ineffective.

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uncertain
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Location: Not of this world

Post by uncertain » Sun Nov 11, 2012 11:44 am

*praying*
&#10013;

rjbetty
Posts: 9
Joined: Wed Sep 24, 2008 3:36 pm
Location: UK

Re: Under Attack

Post by rjbetty » Sun Nov 11, 2012 3:27 pm

GraceBestowed wrote:I believe I am under attack. I will take my responsibility in this. I have allowed myself to wander. I have allowed the concerns of the world to choke out the Word of God. I have been busy and distracted. I have been out of church fellowship for the past 18 months.
I know what this is like. I've been on a long, serious and dark path when I knew better...
My doctor has been trying me on different medications because she believes I have chemical imbalances in my brain. It has been over the past two weeks that I have been on different medications (3 in two weeks). Whenever I have seen a psychiatrist in the past they usually tell me that they cannot do anything for me .. the conversation usually ends with them asking me how I cope with my problems and how it works for me. They don't know how to respond when I say .. I pray about my difficulties and it usually results in my prayers being answered. They tell me they can't help me at that point.
I think I can identify with some of this. I was put on medication 2 years ago as my landlady was saying I was depressed, and convinced unshakably it was a chemical imbalance etc. I kind of was depressed, but it was because of guilt. I was on a path that I knew was wrong and selfish, and because I felt so defeated. I NEVER took the medication because I totally believe it's unhelpful and can open major doors to the enemy. Have you seen this? This guy also agrees. I don't know if this is what God thinks and anyone agrees or not, but as far as I can see right now, I agree.
http://behindthebadge.net/articles/a144.html

I hope it's ok to post that here?

Where it is really tricky is where the turmoil is making it difficult to work or find work, and really it's hard not to be seeing a secular person who doesn't understand...
I have been coping lately by distracting myself by playing video games, but I will get addicted and have much time pass and not do the things that I was supposed to do. I honestly feel lonely most of the time as I don't feel I have many people that I can talk to. I feel less alone when I am keeping myself busy with things like video games. This is a short term fix, not something that I want to do long term.
This is why I had to reply. This is SO where I have been too. Before I came to Christ in the first place, this was my main thing. I personally believe Jesus does not like video games. I really don't think He likes them at all, because they keep people away from Him. I believe it's not just about the content of many, it's about the fact that people get sucked in. I believe it is actually idolatry, and I believe there is actually a spirit behind it sucking people in. When I was a young Christian and tried to talk about this, well meaning christians basically tell me I'm talking rubbish and I'm legalistic... No-one seems to get it. But having spent almost 2 decades deeply involved in video games I think I have some knowledge to say. They are VERY addictive and even the "innocent" ones are harmful when people get dependent on them. It's not so much the content as the idolatry and spirit that the mind gets opened up to... But few seemed to understand that, and just say it's harmless and I'm being legalistic. But this is how I feel He feels about it. The woman I mentioned in the other thread that I'm living with has bought me a new game and has wanted me to play. This is a MAJOR ploy of the enemy to stop me coming out of darkness. So far I haven't even opened it - and I'm not going to. I want to sell it actually.
I am not even sure how I am surviving right now. I believe He is sustaining me.

Please pray for me. I am struggling. Trust me, Satan wants to render me ineffective.
I don't think I can do much and not in a position to be helping lots because of the place I'm in? But I will give the little I can in prayer...

Someone said to me a few weeks ago when I first tried to turn around and it was so hard to even try to, that the battle is the Lord's.

GraceBestowed
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 3:27 am

Post by GraceBestowed » Mon Nov 12, 2012 4:01 am

Thank you so much for your reply.

I am at a place where it is difficult for me to work right now due to the anxiety I am experiencing. I know the Word and my mind is actually quite calm (which is a miracle that God gave me many years ago), but my body still feels the anxiety and it sometimes makes it difficult for me to do things. I am praying for God to fill me with His strength for I have no strength on my own. Sometimes I think this is a blessing, because, being totally reliant upon God is a blessing. However I struggle with obedience. God has done so much stripping away of things in me. This is good, but painful too. My physical needs need to be provided for as well. I pray that God will reveal what I am to do and provide me with the strength to walk in it.

I am actually feeling a need to do a cleansing of my apartment. I do not always have the strength to keep my place very well. These are things I need to be able to do. I have in the past thrown some things away that I knew were hindering to God. I feel it would be good to do this again.

I do understand. Not everyone does or would. Philippians 3:14. I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus.

God desires obedience and intimacy. He will do what it takes to bring us back into a place of right standing in Him. We should rejoice for this demonstrates His great love for us. :) The process hurts but Jesus reminds me .. what did Jesus go through when He was on earth. Our enemies are spiritual. He has been showing me all of the times throughout my life that Satan has pursued me (through various people and circumstances), and other times when he has tried to take me out. Why Satan doesn't realize that his pursuit pushes me closer and deeper into God .. you would think he would try new ways or devices but it is always the same things! Instead, he thinks he has me, and throws a fit when he realizes I am the Lord's. Thank Jesus that He fights on our behalf.

GraceBestowed
Posts: 5
Joined: Sat Dec 11, 2010 3:27 am

Post by GraceBestowed » Thu Nov 15, 2012 2:16 am

I just watched this video on intercession vs mood swings and depression.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZGySAZL ... ure=relmfu

Interesting stuff!

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