Deliverance by God Himself!

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purity4God
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Deliverance by God Himself!

Post by purity4God » Tue Sep 25, 2012 3:27 am

I had been a Christian for a few short years in 2010. I was 20 years old, worked at Quiznos (was the only Christian there and everyone else cursed, did drugs, and I tried to be a light there), and God had done so much for me, hundreds of answered prayers, spoken to me. I desired to know Him, read His Word daily, sought Him, attended church, repented of sins etc. But I believe I struggled with legalism. I believed that it was God's mercy that I was alive each day and had a new chance to live by His Word, but I think I tried doing it in my own strength. I read His Word how it says to our neighbor as ourselves, and 1 Cor 13 explains God's love. There were some days I had great victory and lived in the Spirit and it was easy to be full of joy and loving others. But other days I wondered why I had so much trouble and felt like I failed God continually. I read how a good tree cannot bear bad fruit and vice versa. I did not understand that God Himself is the one who gives us that power to live holy in correlation with our obedience. I tried fasting but kept giving into food, and feeling so bad.

There were 3 specific times God spoke to me at the beginning of 2010. First He showed me bad relationships I had in the past and said "This is why you have trouble trusting other people...This is also why you have trouble trusting Me." Another time when I asked Him why I kept having trouble fasting, He said "Because you haven't surrendered everything to Me." I thought of all the things I had repented of and reminded the Lord I had changed my life so much, but He said to me again "You haven't surrendered everything to Me." Then the 3rd, my mind felt really cloudy and I went outside to pray. I sang to the Lord and soon after my mind was clear and one simple word: "Obey". That was it, and I was so humbled by it!

A few months went by and the Lord continued doing wonderful things and answering prayers, but I kept having this struggle inside of me. My soul cried out, weeping in agony to know God's love.

As I continued to struggle with my efforts to live Godly, one night the song "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Your perfect love is casting out fear" came to my mind. I turned on the radio, and would you believe that was the very next song that came on! I knew God was speaking to me! The same night, I had the most demonic dream. With a hazy red transparency, I was flipping through the Word of God and a skull popped up where the page numbers should be. Disgusted, I flipped to another page, and then there were 2! Again and there were 3! Then the word "death" popped up in the center of the page, I kept flipping the pages trying to make it go away and even bigger and bigger "DEATH" popped onto the page. When I awoke, I knew it was just the devil trying to keep me from God's Word.

But ironically, for the next several months, I felt condemnation when I would read the Word of God! But I could not put it down, I knew I needed it. I started having horrible thoughts and divers temptations continually. Blasphemeous thoughts came into my mind that I never had before, even when I prayed they would be polluting my mind. I started to question if I was really saved, and I felt so sick! Nobody ever told me that sometimes when you release demons, you exhale them, and I had a natural instinct to do just that. Sometimes I would purposefully exhale as if it would get this sickness away from me! I felt so disgusting and just wanted to throw up! I even started to have suicidal thoughts and feared I had betrayed my Love. All I knew to do was to keep praying and reading God's Word. I thought "surely if I have any desire to seek God, it is Him in me" He was my only hope, even when I had attacks of hopelessness. I started to think "Is it possible that I may have a demon?". But I had read online from Christian websites that a Christian cannot have a demon because "what does light have to do with darkness?". So I was horribly confused. "But what about all the times God spoke to me? Surely He did it for a purpose! And all the answered prayers!" but as soon as it came, the enemy was right there, and I remembered Saul from the bible, and Pharoah, and Judas. I thought maybe God predestined some people to hell and some to heaven. What if I was one that was predestined for hell? Of course this was just the enemy completely twisting scriptures big time! Ezekiel 33:11 says that God has no pleasure in the death of the wicked but would rather them to repent. He is not willing that any should perish.

So I finally fasted. I knew I had struggled with it so much before, so I determined in my mind that I would eat only when someone offered me food. If God wanted me to eat, He would provide it. And would you believe, the very next day, I had a coworker randomly offer me a sandwich and that had never happened before? Another time my mom offered me a fruit cup and brought it to me, she never would do that either! I knew it was God sustaining me and providing me. It showed me He loved me and cared for me, and gave me strength to continue the fast. Praying, readings, seeking in desparation. I did this for about a month, lost about 15-20lbs, but God was doing something! I ate something almost every day. I think there were maybe a total of 3 days I didn't eat anything at all, when no one offered it. How amazing God was!

However during this time, I was desperate and I sought a deliverance minister. But you must be careful! Jesus said to beware of false prophets who come to you in sheeps clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves, and that we will know them by their fruits. Friends, if a deliverance minister does not have loving fruit of God, watch out! This is not against deliverance ministers at all, I know God uses them, but you must be sure they are following the Lord. I found this woman online and contacted her, and from the beginning she was rude to me. But I was so naive. She was very impatient with me, made accusations, and finally after a few days speaking with her, she told me to say this prayer, and not to read the bible! She said something weird about when Jesus said if you put new wine into old wineskins that they would burts, and claimed he was speaking of the Word of God. She said I was in the "potters field" and that God would be forming me. I soon stopped speaking with her. I felt so heavy and didn't know what to do. What if she was right? I was silent, and finally by boyfriend who is now my Godly husband asked me what was going on. I told him everything including what this woman said. He asked me "Do you know what the potter's field is? It is the place where Judas hung himself! Don't listen to that woman, and please don't keep things from me anymore." I knew not to listen to her!

Another time a woman at church came to me and allowed me to vent all of what I was going through. After speaking with her, she helped me to realize that I had a stronghold. She said "Well that makes sense. If I thought that God had created me just to go to hell, why would I want to serve a God like that? That would open the door to blasphemous thoughts." I never thought of it that way. The truth hit me. So I kept seeking God.

I also read the whole book of Romans one night and felt God say to me immediately afterwards that I couldn't go further in my walk with Him until pride was dealt with in my life.

Then one day a scripture came to my mind "What is man that Thou art mindful of him, and the son of man that Thou visitest him?" I was so humbled by this. Then as soon as I got in my car 2 songs on the radio back to back had this exact scripture in them! "Who am I that You are mindful of me, that You hear me when I call?..I am a friend of God" and Mercy Me's song that starts with "Who are we, that You would me mindful of us?...Word of God speak" God was speaking to me again! After months of feeling silence and evil.

About 1 month later, my deliverance came! I was driving home from work when the name "Joshua" popped into my mind. I could feel it was God's Spirit. The very next day, my pastor preached on Joshua 3:5, Concecrate yourselves to the Lord for tomorrow He will do wonders among you! Then everything he spoke about was what I'd been going through. After service he gave an altar call "If you feel like you just can't get free and you've been struggling for a long time, come forward." I ran to the front and immediately felt a HUGE WEIGHT lifted off! When service was over, I got a text that Quiznos closed down! I was without a job but now had plenty of time to concecrate myself to God! I went months feeling such a great strength in the Spirit and love for others. The bad thoughts tried to come back into my mind, but it was so easy to overrule them. They were just fleeting, I had too much joy!

God Himself delievered me that day, the next month He provided a job for me that He wanted, and I got prophetic word for. I still work there and it is with other Christians where I am strengthened. I feel like I could use more delieverance, but I know who I am now in Christ. I know His love for me and that He is for me, not against me. I don't know everything about delieverance, I am learning, and there are many details that I did not include that could have played a part in what I experienced, but I know one thing: God hears persistent prayers, and fasting is a great way to prepare your heart, and stay in the Word of God! He can do all things! Take it from one who has experienced His saving grace!

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pinetree
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Post by pinetree » Sat Oct 06, 2012 4:07 pm

Great post. God is amazing.
"For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." Luke 19:10

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purity4God
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Post by purity4God » Mon Oct 08, 2012 4:30 am

Oh and I forgot to mention that later I read the book "Pilgrim's Progress" by John Bunyan and there was a part where Christian the pilgrim walked through "The Valley of the Shadow of Death". While he walked through, a demon whispered blasphemous thoughts into the Christian's ear and caused the Christian to believe they were his own thoughts. He then said "How could I blaspheme the One I love!". This was exactly what I had experienced and I thought I was the only one this had ever happened to! I had that song about the valley of the shadow of death in my mind right before the evil dream and the season of oppresion from the enemy, so this was just conformation to me that the devil's tricks are the old and the same. I wasn't alone in what I experienced. Praise be to God for His deliverance!

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uncertain
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Post by uncertain » Tue Oct 09, 2012 9:58 am

Hi purity4God!

I umm... might be kinda wanting/seeking God to do this too...
✝

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purity4God
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Post by purity4God » Wed Oct 10, 2012 5:46 pm

Hi Uncertain,

Keep seeking God no matter what and reading His Word! Jesus cast demons out of people and all things are possible with God!

The last verse of Psalm 150 says "Let everything that has breath praise the Lord". If you are alive, there is hope for you! I know it may seem impossible when we are dealing with the enemy but keep seeking with all of your might and He WILL make the way for you!

Let me ask you, Uncertain- What exactly are you uncertain about? Have you surrendered you life to Jesus Christ, putting your full trust in Him, and turned away from living a sinful lifestyle? And do you go to a bible believing church?

I would like to help you in any way possible, from one who has experienced His freeing power. :)

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uncertain
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Post by uncertain » Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:09 am

purity4God wrote:Let me ask you, Uncertain- What exactly are you uncertain about? Have you surrendered you life to Jesus Christ, putting your full trust in Him, and turned away from living a sinful lifestyle? And do you go to a bible believing church?
Maybe when I signed up for this forum I wasn't sure about much. Wasn't even sure if I was Christian (still not sure, or what it implies) or if I was welcome if I wasn't. Might be a lot of things I don't really know. Originally it was like demons or us wanted to openly challenge on this forum.

I was trying to get the name changed to "Certain of God" recently.

I've been trying to surrender.
Wasn't sure what trust is, but I've looked in the dictionary.
Not sure if I've managed to turn away from a sinful lifestyle, though I've been kinda fighting again.
I visit some churches depending where I am, not sure if they are "bible believing" but they quote from the bible.

Sorry if I'm not much help.
✝

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purity4God
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Post by purity4God » Wed Oct 17, 2012 8:40 pm

Uncertain,

Well there is definitely a "knowing" if you are a Christian or not, though even if you are, the enemy will be quick to make you doubt if you are or not. Here are some questions to ask yourself to help you decide:

1) Do you believe Jesus Christ is the only way to God?
2) Do you love God? (Do you desire from the deepest part of you to serve Him, to obey Him, to walk in His ways & bring Him glory?)
3) Do you rely on the Word of God, desire the Word of God, and read it often?
4) Have you prayed and sought God for forgiveness of sins and desired to change the way you live? We can't live righteously on our own, we trust God to make us able to.
5) Do you enjoy being around other believers more than being with "worldly" people?

These things are fruits of a normal Christian. If this isn't your normal state, then you have some things you need to really consider. It is important to make sure where we stand- the bible says to "examine yourself to see if you are in the faith" and we can. God wouldn't tell us to do something we couldn't do. So this is the first step. Really the only way to be free is to submit to God. Jesus said "if is your faith that heals you" and faith is simply believing something. Deliverance is for believers. And God does not exclude anyone, all you have to do is believe. If you really believe, you will seek Him, trust Him, and obey Him. It's that simple.

I hope this helps bring some clarity. Consider these things before we go further. :) Have a beautiful and wonderful day

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uncertain
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Post by uncertain » Tue Nov 20, 2012 8:34 am

Thank you!

(I'm still considering these things.)
✝

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gregpc
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Post by gregpc » Thu May 23, 2013 5:08 pm

Thank you purity4God for this encouraging post. As I am headed for church tomorrow night for deliverance, I find reading your post at this time timely, especially concerning Joshua 3:5, and that the alter call was, "If you feel like you just can't get free and you've been struggling for a long time, come forward." Wow! That is how I have felt, like I just can't get free, and again, tomorrow I am headed to church for deliverance. Mentioning the Pilgrim's Progress blessed me, too, because I have wonder how, if I am truly a Christian, my mind could be so messed up when I should have the mind of Christ, and once felt I did.

Interestingly enough, the whole reason I visited this post was that I found a post by pinetree where he addressed headaches (where I've struggled) and after closing it, I decided to message him but had to find him first and found this post instead of the one about the headaches. God is so good!

Still more, I felt a since of peace come over me that I have not had in a long time now. I've been seeking God for that peace for a long time.

In light of seeing Joshua 3:5 and my heading to church tomorrow, I consecrate myself to the Lord right now and ask and the Lord to do for me what he did for purity4God, deliver me completely. Clean me, wash me, make me holy and unblemished and use me for Your glory, Lord. In the name of Jesus Christ!

uncertain, let me say this about sin... We cannot do anything unless God enables us. It is all by his grace. With this in mind, seek Him, seek Him, seek Him! Ask Him to show you how to overcome and be who He has called you to be. Ask Him to show you what you need to see and give you what you need, even what you need to be certain. You can even tell you are not going to ask him to meet any certain need but that He would give you what He knows you need. Then keep asking, trusting and waiting. While you want, do everything you can to enter into his presence with praise, worship and thanksgiving. Being to thank him unabashedly and unreservedly.

Greg

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