new here--my story and hesitant on posting

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thewanderer
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new here--my story and hesitant on posting

Post by thewanderer » Sun Jan 17, 2010 7:44 pm

really hesitant and anxiety full to post--but i am close to the end of my rope--literally-so here it goes--kind of long:
Hello--new to this group--actually been reading in it for awhile and kept trying to get into the forum but couldn’t---I am going to try and give a very generic version of my story---I literally feel like I am going crazy if I Haven’t all ready--been going on for a year and a half--started back in may of 2008 and I went to my assoc pastor who took me through the 7 steps to freedom (minus 1 step)--at this point I only felt a brief darkness overcoming me and wanted to catch it before anything progressed--was never (at that point) a believer in spiritual warfare--actually never heard of it before---anyways after that all hell literally broke loose--from my printer moving by itself, tv turning off and on by itself, computer problems, hear “voices” die you bitch, see “weird” stuff in my apt.--first thought it was my apt so I moved--and the stuff still progresses, cant touch a “bible”, like a barrier there or I see blank pages, or it burns; when I try to “pray” for myself or "rebuke" anything which I do try and cry out to HIM, I literally feel a choking sensation around my neck, seen “pythons” in my apt.; there are times I have been in what I say is a “dream like” state; attempted a prescription drug overdose and literally felt like I was sleepwalking, when I realized what I did I called for help; while I was in the hospital, almost died-stopped breathing and I saw a vision of me pounding on demons and was visit by an angel or something that said “evil be gone” to me and tried to give me scripts--I remember say “as ye walk through the valley….”; while I was in the hospital was only week of realy peace for me; was scared to go home and soon it has all started up again; anti-depressants don’t work at all; not many up here “believe” in demonic stuff--so think I am crazy--finally found someone to do “deliverance” up here but they tell me they won’t if I don’t/cant read the “bible”, cant “pray”; I to struggle with the “truth” in HIM-(or all the "godly" beliefs-mainly because I have been spiritually abused and in a cult like organization-hence the reason I was trying to relearn the “truth” but can’t because I can’t read the “bible”--I have a 8 yr old son who now has some “weird” experiences, and has said to me too he feels like he is in a “dream”like state sometimes--he has seen printer move, tv turn on and off, terrible outrages and growls/hisses at me, etc. Lots of babble I know, just no support for me what so ever makes this all harder--lost and feel like a failure because I want to “pray”, read, learn, and grow but feel like a “force field is around me”--there are times I feel this “darkness” consumes me or is me. Just feeling so lost and alone. I did fill out a referral--and waiting to hear back but being a single unemployed mom is hard to travel 3 hours, but will try I guess what I have to..Tired of this madness and the almost everyday of suicidal thoughts again. Often wonder is this demonic, am I crazy, or is it me?? Want this depression, oppression, thoughts, darkness to all go away. How do you know if it is demonic or just my own mental block??? how do you make it stop and go away if no one is willing to help???
and how do you get through it until you can get to deliverance when you truly feel strangled and your strength is gone??? and one other weird question--is their any relation to this type of stuff to a womans menstrual cycle???

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chooselife
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Post by chooselife » Sun Jan 17, 2010 9:17 pm

welcome sister in Christ, you have come to the right place, the people here will be able to answer all your questions.
Reformation = Revival

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RichVA
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Post by RichVA » Mon Jan 18, 2010 12:42 am

Hi thewanderer, welcome to this site. There are many great ministers, prayer warriors and lay pastors here.

Send me a PM if you'd like!


-rich
Isaiah 61:1 "He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound..."

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Bev
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Re: new here--my story and hesitant on posting

Post by Bev » Mon Jan 18, 2010 1:08 am

thewanderer wrote:I to struggle with the “truth” in HIM-(or all the "godly" beliefs-mainly because I have been spiritually abused and in a cult like organization-hence the reason I was trying to relearn the “truth” but can’t because I can’t read the “bible”--
Dear Wanderer, we welcome you to this forum and it's awesome that you took the step of faith to post. Yes and amen! I am sorry for your pain but there is no pain too severe for Jesus! Have you seen the Passion movie? Envision your Jesus on that cross...the TRUTH is that if you were the only one on earth He would have still come down from the heavens for you!!! The Truth is that He loves you beyond your comprehension! That is the truth. I will be praying for you and I'm asking your Abba Father to usher His warring angels to you and yours! I'd encourage you to follow through with RichVA's invitation and seek deliverance as soon as you receive a reply from your referral. In the mean time...Abba, I am asking that you would usher in to our sister's side your warring angels. Thank you Lord for the Truth, that she is not alone, You are with her!!! :clapping: :clapping: :clapping:
His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness!!! 2 Peter 1:3,4

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pinetree
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Post by pinetree » Mon Jan 18, 2010 2:00 am

HI Wanderer,

Im so glad you came here and posted. I believe you. You are not crazy and others here have experienced similar things to what you are going thru. There is hope in Jesus.

Please click on the link below and fill out a referal for some help.
http://www.ministeringdeliverance.com/r ... ferral.php

If you have trouble with this post again and ask for help. You are loved by God and there is surely hope for you.
"For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." Luke 19:10

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Diane7677
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Post by Diane7677 » Mon Jan 18, 2010 7:26 am

Dearest Wanderer, I, too, am brand new to the Forum, and I was so grateful to find this website to read the real-life torments and confessions of precious believers, who so desire to follow Jesus and have HIS victory be evident in their lives. God Loves YOU and HE died for YOU.

Apostle Paul wrote in Romans 8:38-39: "For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the LOVE OF GOD that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."

What you are experiencing is real and you are not crazy! Your enemy, Mr. Darkness, hates your very existence, because you were created by a mighty Creator who LOVES you. I pray you have a team of believers come and pray with you and if possible, immerse yourself in Christian television, radio, CD's, DVD's to HELP YOU - get fortified, strengthened, renewed. You need God's WORD to equip you, encourage you, teach you, so you can HOLD ON and BELIEVE, while under severe attack from your enemy. Sin separates us from GOD, but JESUS became US (if we believe) and TOOK THE HELLBOUND KEYS away from SATAN to hold us captive. WE ARE TRULY FREE if we JUST BELIEVE and HOLD ON to that belief.

"The moment we place our trust in Christ alone to save us, we can and should know that we are completely forgiven and secure in the love of Christ. Memorize it. Rejoice in it. Embrace it. Nothing can separate us from His love. Nothing. Now that is really something!" by Bob Wilkin

Have you the mind of Christ?”

Do I see the beauty of a holy life as Jesus saw it? Do I see lost people through His eyes? Do I understand the eternal purpose of God with the same conviction that Jesus had?

The apostle Paul said, “We have the mind of Christ” (I Corinthians 2:16). What are the implications of having that mind?

In contrast to the pagan false “wisdom” Paul sets forth the wisdom from God, “That is found in the righteousness and sanctification and wisdom of God in Christ. God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise.” Christ is the power of God and the wisdom of God.

In God’s magnificent wisdom, He has been “well-pleased through the foolishness of the message preached to save those who believe,” and the message preached is “Christ crucified.”

The unregenerate, sensual person who lives his life as if there is nothing beyond the physical “does not accept the things of the Spirit of God; for they are foolishness to him, and he cannot understand them because they are spiritually appraised” (I Cor. 2:14).

In contrast Paul says the believer in Christ has “received” not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, that we might know the things freely give to us by God” (v. 12).

We have the mind of Christ because we have the Holy Spirit indwelling us. Therefore, since we are new creatures in Christ, our habit of mental activity needs to be like that of Christ.

The apostle Paul uses the word “mind” signifying the exercise of the mind, including our emotional and spiritual responses creating activity. It refers to understanding, intelligence, and mental presence. It is the whole knowledge of Christ including emotions and volitions based on thought.

Perhaps John 17 reveals the mind of Christ in its rare beauty. “Jesus spoke these things; and lifting up His eyes to heaven, He said, ‘Father, the hour has come; glorify Your Son, that the Son may glorify You, even as You gave Him authority over all flesh, that to all whom You have given Him, He may give eternal life’” (John 17:1-2). That is the passion of God incarnate. He came to reveal the Father and give eternal life to all who will believe on Him. In the mind of Christ, we understand the cross. Only then will the passion our preaching be “Christ crucified.” "For I determined to know nothing among you except Jesus Christ, and Him crucified" (1 Cor. 2:2).

The mind of Christ is revealed in the cross. In the mind of Christ we see “the beauty of holiness.” Christ came to reveal the holiness of the Father and the sinfulness of sin. The cross of Jesus exposes our sins, and we stand condemned before a righteous God. The cross reveals the mind of our Savior who knew no sin and became so identified with us that He gave Himself as the substitutionary sacrifice on our behalf. The mind of Christ reveals an attitude of self-emptying and humility so profound that He would empty Himself “taking the form of a bond-servant and being made in the likeness of men” and give Himself a ransom for sin. "Being found in appearance as a man, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross" (Philippians 2:8).

Jesus saw everything in perpetual relationship to His Father. He saw the whole universe related to the Father and for that reason He gave His life in obedience to Him. The master passion of Christ Jesus was to glorify His Father in saving sinful man.

“We have the mind of Christ” when we see the Father in all of His holiness. “We have the mind of Christ” when we sin as it breaks the heart of a holy and righteous God. We have the mind of the Savior when we understand the penalty for sin must be paid in full by a divine, sinless substitute. “We have the mind of Christ” when we feel the passion of His soul in submission to the will of God, even unto death.

If I have the mind of Christ, I can see the infinite beauty of holiness as He saw it when He clothed me in the robes of His perfect righteousness. "He made Him who knew no sin to be sin on our behalf, so that we might become the righteousness of God in Him" (2 Corinthians 5:21).

Do I have that same passion to see lost people as He saw them? If I have the mind of Christ, I will pour out my life in obedient sacrifice and believe and trust in Him.

Hear my prayer, oh God. I give my mind to you; let me think the way Christ thinks. Help me make the choices the way You would choose. I want to do what You would do and feel as you feel. Help me to obey You—even unto death!

Selah!

Message by Wil Pounds (c) 2006
"The Sky shall unfold . . . Preparing HIS entrance; The Stars shall applaud HIM with Thunders of Praise! The sweet light in HIS eyes shall enhance those awaiting, and We shall Behold HIM . . . then face to face!"

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RichVA
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Post by RichVA » Mon Jan 18, 2010 1:56 pm

Hi Diane7677, welcome to the forum!
:clapping:
Isaiah 61:1 "He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound..."

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MikeV60
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Re: new here--my story and hesitant on posting

Post by MikeV60 » Tue Jan 19, 2010 1:33 am

thewanderer wrote:really hesitant and anxiety full to post--but i am close to the end of my rope--literally-so here it goes--kind of long:
Hello--new to this group--actually been reading in it for awhile and kept trying to get into the forum but couldn’t---I am going to try and give a very generic version of my story---I literally feel like I am going crazy if I Haven’t all ready--been going on for a year and a half--started back in may of 2008 and I went to my assoc pastor who took me through the 7 steps to freedom (minus 1 step)--at this point I only felt a brief darkness overcoming me and wanted to catch it before anything progressed--was never (at that point) a believer in spiritual warfare--actually never heard of it before---anyways after that all hell literally broke loose--from my printer moving by itself, tv turning off and on by itself, computer problems, hear “voices” die you bitch, see “weird” stuff in my apt.--first thought it was my apt so I moved--and the stuff still progresses, cant touch a “bible”, like a barrier there or I see blank pages, or it burns; when I try to “pray” for myself or "rebuke" anything which I do try and cry out to HIM, I literally feel a choking sensation around my neck, seen “pythons” in my apt.; there are times I have been in what I say is a “dream like” state; attempted a prescription drug overdose and literally felt like I was sleepwalking, when I realized what I did I called for help; while I was in the hospital, almost died-stopped breathing and I saw a vision of me pounding on demons and was visit by an angel or something that said “evil be gone” to me and tried to give me scripts--I remember say “as ye walk through the valley….”; while I was in the hospital was only week of realy peace for me; was scared to go home and soon it has all started up again; anti-depressants don’t work at all; not many up here “believe” in demonic stuff--so think I am crazy--finally found someone to do “deliverance” up here but they tell me they won’t if I don’t/cant read the “bible”, cant “pray”; I to struggle with the “truth” in HIM-(or all the "godly" beliefs-mainly because I have been spiritually abused and in a cult like organization-hence the reason I was trying to relearn the “truth” but can’t because I can’t read the “bible”--I have a 8 yr old son who now has some “weird” experiences, and has said to me too he feels like he is in a “dream”like state sometimes--he has seen printer move, tv turn on and off, terrible outrages and growls/hisses at me, etc. Lots of babble I know, just no support for me what so ever makes this all harder--lost and feel like a failure because I want to “pray”, read, learn, and grow but feel like a “force field is around me”--there are times I feel this “darkness” consumes me or is me. Just feeling so lost and alone. I did fill out a referral--and waiting to hear back but being a single unemployed mom is hard to travel 3 hours, but will try I guess what I have to..Tired of this madness and the almost everyday of suicidal thoughts again. Often wonder is this demonic, am I crazy, or is it me?? Want this depression, oppression, thoughts, darkness to all go away. How do you know if it is demonic or just my own mental block??? how do you make it stop and go away if no one is willing to help???
and how do you get through it until you can get to deliverance when you truly feel strangled and your strength is gone??? and one other weird question--is their any relation to this type of stuff to a womans menstrual cycle???
Wanderer, do not feel discouraged, you are not alone friend, God loves you and desires to set you free. Satan is trying to attack you and convince you you can't be set free and all that, but we know Satan is nothing but a deceiving liar. God is above Satan and loves all of us immeasurably. I can relate friend, there have been times when it feels like we are going insane and out of our minds and stuff like that, but God will set us free and crush demons underfoot. No demon or evil spirit has the guts to stand before the throne of our Lord Jesus Christ! Demons tremble and Satan cries at the very sound of His awesome name and authority. Did you fill out a deliverance referral?
"Anyone who is in Christ is a new creation; the old is gone, the new has come!"- 2 Corinthians 5:17

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thewanderer
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Post by thewanderer » Tue Jan 19, 2010 3:25 pm

is it common the more you look into deliverance--try to find help for the situation the worse things get???? headaches, nausea, all these negative voices, thoughts, death thoughts, etc--i try to pray, or read the "bible" and end up destroying them or nothing comes out--how do you get through that stuff---how do you manage through tht--can feel my strength getting sucked out of me.

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pinetree
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Post by pinetree » Tue Jan 19, 2010 4:29 pm

Yes, things can get worse as you try to get help.

The demons that are with you do not want you to be free of them. They want to seperate you from the good things God has for you. The certainly dont want you to have any inner healing either. They seek your detsruction.

Ask God to send his holy warring angels to attack all demons who inflict any pain or discomfort with thier swords. Ask God to heat thier swords up to the tempurature of the sun, in Jesus name Then ask for God to send His holy warring angels to continuesly pour out fire and brimestone from the lake of fire and ask God to give them all visions of their fate in hell on all demons who inflict any pain or discomfort until they stop, in Jesus name.

Continue to pray for more and more torment until they stop in Jesus name. Other things you might pray for God to send his angels with Living water, the light of Christ, The blood of Christ and other torments you can think of. Make sure to say that all torment stops when they stop tormenting you, in Jesus name.

Hope that helps.
"For the Son of Man has come to seek and to save that which was lost." Luke 19:10

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RichVA
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Post by RichVA » Tue Jan 19, 2010 4:39 pm

In addition to Pinetree's excellent post, you should also rebuke anything that is coming against you spiritually. You can also command the demons to be bound and taken out of Satan's chain of command until a minister can work with you.

-rich
Isaiah 61:1 "He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted, To proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound..."

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DoorTwelve
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Post by DoorTwelve » Tue Jan 19, 2010 4:56 pm

One thing that everyone should know about demonic oppression is that
in order to be free you are going to have to take some initial steps to obtain your freedom.
Oh yes,we can look at all the things the demons do and consider all they would like to do,but that doesn't lead us to freedom.
In fact that is a huge distraction for many to look at their problems continually instead of organizing a strong list of ministers and available resources and making some calls and finding out who is able to help.

First things first we get a referral,why because if we are in bondage we need to get an experienced minister to assist us in obtaining our freedom.

Secondly,take ourselves out of isolation often times the devil will seek to isolate us from others so that we cannot receive help. Embark on a
mission to involve yourself in frequent fellowship at a local church.
One that believes in deliverance is preferrable often times because some churches will discourage people who have demons from getting them expelled you need people cheering for you not distracting you even more.

Third,inform yourselves about demonic oppression,learn what the enemy does and this can be done both through the reading of God's word and
reading informative books on the subject. Information is power and without being informed you become mis-informed and that will not help you against an organized enemy.

Forth,but certainly not least is a personal relationship with Jesus Christ
you should be seeking Christ with all your heart,morning prayer is key to your life it may include asking God to put the whole armor of God upon you or praying in the help of angels or the covering of the blood of Jesus.
It may be just your personal time to get some much needed time with God and asking him through morning prayer to be pro-active when it comes to the devil and not re-active.

Fifth,repentence keep a short list with God ask the Holy Spirit to show you anything in your life that remains an obstacle to your freedom. Close your eyes and wait quietly for Him to show you and ask the Holy Spirit to remove any interfearance when you pray. Ask God for forgiveness from all sin in thought deed or action that you have been party to at anytime.
In Jesus name.

Sixth,breaking soul ties is crucial because so much oppression is coming from outside sources that most of our bondages our not our own if someone is calling you frequently or emailing you continually and they are draining you and your time or resources distracting you from helping others it may just be their intention or the demons leading them to mislead you. Phone calls can also be areas of oppression if any negative affirmations are made.

to be continued
In that day they will say, "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation."(Isaiah 25:6-9)

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DoorTwelve
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Post by DoorTwelve » Tue Jan 19, 2010 5:43 pm

Seven, Let every man that names the name of Christ depart from iniquity,
many of us do things in our everyday lives that place us in deeper bondage just because we believe something is harmless,rest assured anything that you can watch in a movie or listen to on the radio or watch on television that does not directly glorify God serves Satan. Why,because what you fill the glass with is what will be in it when you prepare to drink it down. I notice Christians watching movies filled with gossip lies and slander,or entertainment that does not mesh with God's
perfect will for our lives,or as is explained in His word.

Eight, control our tongues,this is an area that gives the enemy various open doors to walk through,word curses spoken over one another or negative emotions being advanced by mouth. These areas are critical for the person seeking deliverance in keeping things away that seek to oppress and once the negative word is spoke access is granted.

Nine,Praise God continually through singing songs and hymns
and giving thanks because the devil hates hearing you praise God.

Ten, pray continually ever prayer that is not prayed is never answered.

Doortwelve :wave:
In that day they will say, "Surely this is our God; we trusted in him, and he saved us. This is the LORD, we trusted in him; let us rejoice and be glad in his salvation."(Isaiah 25:6-9)

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Godschild
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Post by Godschild » Wed Jan 20, 2010 6:50 pm

Dear Wanderer:

While you are awaiting a minister of Deliverance, I pray in the Most Powerful Name of Jesus that Our Father God send His Holy Angels to you to minister to you and to place themselves round about you to protect you from all of the enemy's sinister forces. I pray that He open a way for you to get to a person of God for deliverance. I pray that He get His Word to you and into you. Amen.

His Word (as I think you know) is vitally, vitally iimportant. Since you do seem unable to read the Word right now, would it be possible for you to listen to it on CD? You can also keep it playing at a low volume, and praise and worship music at a low volume throughout the house also helps. Also, I know of someone else ~whom today is a minister of deliverance~ who could not read her Bible so she simply slept with it until she could knowing and believing that God's Word protects.

In His Love,
Godschild
GOD IS limited only by those limitations which we, as human beings, place upon Him. GOD, HIS POWER, His love, and His forgiveness are limitless.
~Man shall not live by bread alone, but by EVERY word that proceeds from the mouth of God.

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thewanderer
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Post by thewanderer » Wed Jan 20, 2010 7:24 pm

thanks for the words that there is hope here and that i may really be able to read the "bible" again--i try i really do, i try to listen to it, listen to praise music too, cry out to HIM--after a few minutes i either destroy the music in a rage--or "bible"--i know and believe that if i could hang on longer then 10 minutes, or whatever that it would stop--but i can only handle the stuff for so long--how long does it take to stop??
when i do get those very rare calmer moments i try and do a little better--i just struggle with any spiritual support around my physical life---to everyone, including my "church" i am just nuts--but i believed all along it is "spiritual" even when i was stuck in the hospital--i told them it is spiritual-talk about looking crazy then huh :)

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