Sorry for the delay! I'm juggling a few things here, and trying to keep up...
Tumza wrote:i read abt alters here, i don't know what an alter is infact it was for the first time i hear abt a thing called alter. so i wldn't know if i have that or not. people i need some help, i hate the way i feel and the way my life is. If there is God then y can't He be real to me
There is an article on disassociation that you can read on the GreatBibleStudy.com web site, which will give you an idea of what alters are, and how disassociation works.
Tumza wrote:For now i am upset wth God and scared of Him at the same time. I keep on asking myself why did He give me life when He knew that i am going to go thru this missery in my life. He knows the end from beginning. I feel like He doesn't have any buiseness to do wth me if He did then my life wldn't be the way it is now. I feel like He is more interested in other people's life more than He is in mine. I read He is merciful, eager to forgive than to punish, His anger lasts but for a moment and His favour last lifetime, but I see Him as God who is angry wth me and don't care abt me anymore, maybe He used to care but not now. This is hw i feel abt Him and I am scared of Him. Robert tell me how did u overcome, if there is a way out I can't wait to find that way.
I've thought those same kind of things myself. I think anybody who's had a hard time with this subject goes through the same kind of thoughts.
Let me give you an illustration:
A happily married couple, who trust and love each other, find themselves one day in a divorce. It all started when one of the wife's friends started to tell her about how she thinks her husband is having an affair. At first she writes it off, but then somebody else comes along and says the same thing. In reality, the husband is as pure as ever, and only has love for his wife. After a while, the wife hears other things about her husband that isn't true, and she starts to shunning him as a result. The relationship starts to break up and goes downhill. She no longer feels his love (because of the way she sees him!), and along comes another man who appears to truly love her. Now we have an affair going on between her and the enemy. Within a few months, the wife is madly in love with Mr Adultery, while she feels absolutely no love whatsoever from her husband, who is sitting there with his mouth open at what happened.
The moral of the story? Because the wife accepted lies about her husband, she began to see him differently and in a whole new light. It created defense mechanisms in her which blocked his love for her. She could no longer receive his heartfelt love for her, because of what she believed about him.
In cases like yours (and what I've been through), we need to change the way we see God. Meditating on Bible verses which speak of God's nature, and how He loves us as much as He loves Jesus (John 17 I think), and so forth. The take those verses, speak them aloud, and just imagine what it would be like if that verse was true... imagination is a big key to faith.
Then there are evil spirits which will play a role in all of this. There are spirits that go by the name "fear of judgement", "hopelessness", and so forth. These are all tormenting spirits, and must be cast out.
Tumza wrote:in short i feel like a complete failure in all aspect of my life no matter how hard i try to make things work. Some times i get suicidal thoughts but choose not to entertain them bcos i know they r from the devil and if kill myself i will end up in hell, and i am scared of that place guys. Someone pls help. I am meditating and reading loud all verses where God says fear not I am wth u, but like i said i don't feel power in what i say but just words. Some one help me with faith. Sorry guys to be a hassle, i need help. I don't want to hear abt God, I want to experince Him
*hugs* I've faced a lot of torment with this subject as well... it's no fun.
I do sense a bondage to religion that needs to be overcome as well. I have some really good teachings on GBS which address dead religion. One teaching on "The Jesus of the Bible" is really good as well.
Sister, this is a process more than a formula. A lot of what brought me out is renewing my mind according to the Word. More freedom came through casting out religious and legalism spirits, hopelessness, etc. There are a lot of things that the Holy Spirit has shown me through my struggle, which I have posted on the GBS website. If you spend time there, you will learn a lot which will help renew your mind and change the way you see God. Even reading my up-coming teaching on Prosperity Gospel will help you... why? Because it shows you how GOOD God is, and what His nature and desire is towards us.
I also highly recommend some books such as Blessed Beyond Measure by Gloria Copeland... that one is so anointed and shows you God's true heart and nature. It is a MUST-READ for anybody who's been through what you have.
With love in Christ,
P.S. Google "Father's love letter" and watch their video online... that is another ministry tool that I know will bless you.
Religion brings outward conformity; relationship transforms the heart.
It was the religious folks who hated and murdered the Son of God.
Is it not rightly said that religion is Satan's version of Christianity?